Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
