he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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