What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
