Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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