Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
