He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
