well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
