So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
