sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
