Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
