I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
