I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
