So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
