Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
