Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize