Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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