There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
