I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
