I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
