What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize