ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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