I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
