last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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