you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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