I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
