Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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