so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
