I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
