They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
