He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize