I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
