my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
