oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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