At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
