i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
