I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Your cock deserves a montage
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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