I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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