Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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