Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
