The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
