I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
