Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
