Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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