My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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