my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
