Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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