Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
