i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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