End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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