So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
