An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You have to summon your inner elephant
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You need a sexual gate keeper
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
