are you still at the devil's house?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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