I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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