Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
