new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
