I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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