My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
