I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
