i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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