I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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