Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
