I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
