i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
