Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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