yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Randomize
