awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
