Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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