Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
