I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All I want is dick and wine.
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