I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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