Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
