First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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