Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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