how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
