Life is so much better after having sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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