even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
