I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize