He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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