i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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