Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
