Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
