We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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