the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
