it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
