bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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