how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
