how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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