just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
