How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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