Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
