she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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