During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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