I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
