the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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