I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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