Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
