OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
