so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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