I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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