I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
