you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
