a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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