im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Operation Purity has been aborted
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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