She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
