I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
