DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
