if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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